Why take the time to write about "good" anger?

I mean, there's so much bad anger in the world today. Road rage, school violence...why even take the time to write about good anger when there's so much to talk about bad anger?

It is precisely because of all the bad anger that the impetus to write about good anger has arisen. In fact, it may well be due to the fact that many people are have not been exposed to good anger?that they only know bad anger?that is the reason for all the bad anger.

The above Sanskrit slokas were taken from the Atharva Veda, one of the 4 main Vedas of the Hindu scriptures. Atharva Veda is also the source of most of the information on Ayurveda.

It is clear from these passages that there is something useful, medicinal, even necessary about good anger. Why its useful may not be as clear.

The notion of good anger may seem mysterious at first glance, even hard to fathom. However good anger is readily found in the homes of loving families.

If you love your children, and you don't want to spoil them, sometimes you have to get angry. Further, if a child is about to do something that will harm them, such as touch a stove or walk into the street, an angry yell is far less severe than the possibility of being hit by a car. If a parent has to hit a child's hands to prevent them from touching the hot stove and being burnt, this too is helpful to the child.

Yet we rarely hear of how grateful people are for having received good anger. In fact, these days we seem to hear how practically everyone was abused physically and/or emotionally. And even the smallest displays of anger are brought under a microscope.

The big question is, where do you draw the line between abuse and good anger? Ultimately the answer lies with parents who love their children. Perhaps after exercising good anger, these parents also explain to their children just why they used good anger.

In this context, children will have an understanding and a sense of the difference between good and bad anger. This gets to the actual impetus of writing this article.

Over the years I've seen many clients who received real abuse in their childhood. There was decidedly a lack of love, or at least the inability to display love from the parent's side.

As a result, when these parents got angry it was never out of love or concern. Anger was due to stress, alcohol, or other non-loving reason. Now, in many of these children-now-grownups is that they become frightened or defensive when someone gets angry with them because they are hurting themselves (i.e., when someone displays loving anger).

In short never being exposed to good anger, they associate both forms of anger as one-in-the-same, uncaring anger. It is not possible in this article to suggest for each individual family exactly how to expose children to good anger.

What can be done is to inject into today's "politically correct" atmosphere that there is nothing wrong with discipline if it is done with love and communication. I may just need to be heard again, and in this present context.

We would expect and hope that there would be less road rage and school shootings if more loving discipline were displayed by parents. How each family develops this will be individually decided.

Ayurveda suggests a number of lifestyle adjustments to help parents develop their own inner love and love for their children. These therapies are stated throughout all the Ayurvedic literature. 

To summarize, creating a less stressful lifestyle is key. Even if the slightest life adjustments are made people see wonderful results.

Eating a little healthier and taking a little more time to eat are key. Take some time out for silence, and play. Work in a career you love?use your God-given talents. Create a more pleasing environment with aromatherapy, color therapy and music therapy. To reduce stress try yoga, massage, meditation and herbal brain tonics.

Families need to spend some more time together. Don't postpone closeness and tenderness for some future date. It is like spending all your time planning what to do when your plant grows to be 5 feet tall, but with your busy schedule planning and working for that day, you forget to water the plant now.

Don't postpone the important things. These are the sacred events?the reason for family life. These experiences help you grow as a person and help your children grow into healthy individuals who can also contribute to society.

So while this article is not suggesting you use anger as an excuse, don't be afraid to exercise good anger when it is needed...if you love your children, you will know when is the right time to use good anger.

If adults need to receive or use good anger with other adults, again the key is caring compassion. Good anger is not used all that often, but if you love someone, don't be afraid to get tough to help them.

If this notion of good anger catches on, I can see a national TV ad campaign...'brought to you by the National Anger for Goodness organization (NAG)...if you really care, shout in their ear." Or some such silly slogan.

The point is love encompasses many things and caring includes the occassional constructive anger. Wishing you health and healthy anger.

This article is for educational purposes only, and is not intended to treat, diagnose or prescribe. It in no way is intended to substitute for care from duly licensed health professionals.

Swami Sadashiva Tirtha, D.Sc., may be contacted through the International Vedic Institute - School of Ayurveda.